Why can't I just do this?

I just want to be skinny.
I just want to be skinny.
I just want to be skinny.

I just want to be fucking skinny.

Why can't I just stop eating? Why? Every time I put food into my stupid face I instantly regret it. It makes me hate myself. I hate myself while I'm making it, I hate myself while I'm eating it, and I hate myself 10 fold afterwards. God if I only I wasn't such a little bitch about purging. It's not that fucking hard. I did it when I was 7.
7!
And I've thrown up tons of more times after that, just not on purpose. It's not that bad. It's not. I can do it. I can. And I will.
Or I'll just stop fucking over eating. I just need to be 80. I need to. I will.

I just want to be skinny. I need control.

-Cassie