SGD Diet Tomorrow!

It's summer. I have nothing to do. I might as well start a new-ish diet. I'm not gonna fail this time. I'm gonna do the Skinny Girl Diet again. Partly because it's easier than the others, partly because I tried it last summer and...memories I guess <3
Tomorrow is a new month, a Monday, a new beginning.
I will also commemorate this by washing my hair and making it really pretty ^_^

-Cassie Ana

Update!!

So much has happened in the past few weeks. I'll just get right to it because none of it is extremely important:

1. I'm back with my ex. The one I dated in like October-December. Hopefully things go better this time. We've both grown up a bit. He realized how much he needs me, I realized that I don't need him. As in, I'm not as obsessive and insecure as I used to be. He needs me more that I need him, but I want him more than anything in the world. And that's how I want it to be. Also, I don't have a major freak out when he doesn't text me for a few hours. I've gotten better.
2. I finally got birth control. I don't really know why. I mean, I don't need it. As much as I hate my cramps, and as cool as it is to have extra protection when I have sex, I honestly just got it because my mom didn't want me to. I have this bad "I want it and I want it NOW" mentality. I went through Hell to get these pills. And they're kinda useless to me but whatevs. One major downside is that they might make me gain weight. 
3. I nearly passed out walking to work today. It was noon, it was hot as fuck, and I hadn't eaten a thing. It was scary and I'm still pissed that I had to miss work. But as I was walking home I couldn't help but think about all the calories I was burning. I felt so weak thin and lovely. And I was able to go all the way to 6pm before eating.
4. I haven't smoked in forever. Since Tuesday I believe. Similar to fasting, once you get past the 3rd day, things get way easier. Before I was craving nicotine like crazy, now I don't have the physical craving anymore. Like, if someone offered me a cigarette, I'd be able to say no. 

That's about it. I'm going to work on drinking more water and just being healthier again. I have more than enough time to do that.

-Cassie

Current Stats: 6.29.13

Height: 5'4

Weight: 100 lbs / 45.36 kg

Bust: 30.5" / 77.5 cm

Waist: 23" / 58.4 cm

Hips: 33" / 83.8 cm

Thighs: 18" / 45.7 cm

It definitely feels like summer again: Waking up early, drinking a cup of green tea, about to do Pilates.
For the first time in a long time I'm actually really happy about how I look. So much progress!! But I can do better, and I will.

Also, I've officially quit smoking. I'm far too pretty for cigarettes.
Anyway, after I finish this cup of tea I'll do some Pilates. I have work today but I also get my pay check so I can't wait for that!

-Cassie 

30 Day ED Challenge: Day 11

List 10 physical features you like about yourself

1. Thigh gap
2. Butt
3. Hair
4. Eyes
5. Tiny waist
6. Collarbones
7. Legs
8. Hipbones
9. Finger nails
10. Smile

30 Day ED Challenge: Day 10

Does anyone close to you have an ed? How do you think that has impacted you?

My best friend has an ED. He restricts and purges. A lot. Though he doesn't believe that he has a problem. That's the part that hurts the most: The fact that she doesn't know or doesn't want to admit that she's slowly killing herself. Or maybe she just doesn't care.

It impacts me in the worst ways. Instead of making me want to get better, it just makes me try harder. It makes me want to stay sick and lose more and fast and just get into all the old habits. Not out of jealous or to one-up her, just...I don't know. She's my best friend and I want to do everything she does. Also, she's fucking perfect in my opinion. She's super pretty, she has a perfect body, and an amazing personality. I understand that she can't see it, but...fuck. 

I just want her to get better. You have no idea. She's just so much better than this disease. 

Maybe I should just become sicker.
That way I can be skinny and I'll get shipped far far away from here.

My boyfriend is probably the biggest trigger I've ever encountered and in so many ways.

The first and most obvious way is the fact that he used to be bulimic.
And he talks about it.
A lot.
And shows me pictures of when he was in the hospital.
And his IV.
And I honestly never thought anything could upset me so much.

The worst part is that I'm not upset because out of concern for his well-being (as far as I can tell he's better now). It's more that I'm upset out of jealousy. Of the fact that he was sick enough to go to a hospital. Sick enough that people actually noticed. And cared.
But yeah, I never thought anything could trigger me that much. Like, the way he would describe how much he'd throw up, and the fact that he could eat so much and then just get rid of it. Despite all that I know about bulimia, I can't help but be a bit jealous of the fact that he was actually able to do it. I would of gave anything to be able to get rid of a binge. I think I'm going off topic now. I think you get the point.

The other ways he triggers me is the same as any other guy: He's not perfect. As in, he doesn't treat me the way he should according to my fucked up, fantasy land. He doesn't shower me with attention 24/7, and he sorta hides things from me-like most normal human beings do in relationships. It's really nothing worth being upset about, but I'm me so of course I'm going to obsess about it.

One good thing about him (though there are many) is the fact that since he doesn't have his car, we have to walk everywhere. So much fucking walking, so many calories burned. And since I spend 99.9% out of the house, I don't have time to eat junk food. Just Ramen and waffles. Still shit food though.

I'm really tired so I'm sorry that this is all jumbled and random. I'm sort of upset and again really fucking tired. Maybe I'll do a water fast tomorrow. Just for shits & giggles.

-Cassie

30 Day ED Challenge: Day 8

What's your favorite meal? Was it the same before your ED?

My favorite meal would have to be fried rice. It was the same before my ED.

Ana's Rules for June

1. Workout at least 30 minutes a day (unless I have work)
2. Drink 1 cup of water every hour; Minimum of 8 cups a day
3. Net calorie limit of 1,000/day
• Cheat day allowed once a week
4. Little to no soda or juice
5. Record everything