ABC Diet Today! :D

I'm officially starting the ABC diet today. Only 500 calories, I can do it! I'm just so fat, it's disgusting. I need to fix this.
It won't be hard. I did it before.

The one thing I hate about drinking water is the horrible bloated feeling you get afterwards. Ugh, it's terrible. But better than eating. I think I'm going to fast until tomorrow morning. I already have a net of -172 so hopefully I can go the night without fucking it up. 

I feel so fat and gross and ugly. I think I'm gonna do some laundry, wash my hair, clean up a bit. Just anything to burn more calories.

Also, drinking all this water has really helped clear up my skin. I have super sensitive skin so I break out a lot, especially in the summer. But it's gotten better ^_^ We really need a water filter. Houston tap water is horrid.

But I digress; I'm hungry, but I'm not. Whenever I think about eating all I have to do is look down at my stomach or my thighs. That's enough to discourage me from eating. Also, I'm craving everything we don't have in the house. I couldn't eat if I wanted to really.   

-Cassie Ana

I don't care if it's 1 in the morning. All I can do is sit here looking at my huge, fat stomach. I'm so disgusting. I hate myself for letting this happen. But I'm going to fix it. Now! 

Food Log 7.19.13

Breakfast: 15

• Vitamins (15)

Lunch: 300

• Beef & bean burrito (300) 

Dinner: 600

• 2 beef & bean burritos (600)

Exercise: -851

• Work - 6 hours (-816)
• Dog walking - 5 min (-10)
• Other - 20 min (-25)

Net Intake: 64 calories

I'm really dreading going to work. 6 hours. I think I might kill myself while I'm there. A part of me is hoping that my grandma doesn't show up to take me. But if she doesn't I'll probably just walk. I'm giving them a 2-week notice today. I hate it there.

But the good thing about working there is that I usually have to walk a mile to get there (and back), I don't have time to eat while I'm there, and I burn a lot of calories. Maybe not a lot, but some. And any amount counts. Ugh, I just really don't want to go. I'm tired. I just hate it there, I really do.

I can't wait to go to the gym!

If my mother doesn't disappoint me like she usually does, we're going to officially sign up for they gym on Saturday. We're already members, we just have to fill out paperwork or whatever. I can't wait! I've been wanting this for the past year. Actually for as long as I can remember, but you get the point.
The gym I'm going to moved even to my house too. Like about 2 minutes, walking! As opposed to about 5 xD

The only problem is that I don't have actual workout clothes. I need some. I need shorts, a shirt, a sports bra and shoes. I have absolutely none of that. And I need a water bottle. And new headphones. And an arm strap for my phone. Jesus. I need things. If my mom hadn't of got a new job, I would reconsider quitting mine. But I am. Though that's a story for another day.

I have clothes that are "appropriate". Shoes as well. I'll just use those for now. I need to work out. I haven't used actual gym equipment since 9th grade. I sure do miss it.

Also, I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but my boyfriend goes to the same gym and he said he wants to workout with me. As much as I would love being with him. No. I can't. I'm awkward already. He can't see me when I'm sweating and gross and exercising. I bet I'll look awful. And fat. Maybe after I shed a few pounds. Maybe when I'm InstagramWorkoutPic-Worthy. And I just don't want to expose him to all my...issues. He already knows everything (just the gist of it I assume), but it's better not to see it in actual, right? I don't want him to see how hard I force push myself. Nor do I want him to see me weak and tired and gross afterwards.

But I'm just really excited. I wanna use the treadmill and the bikes and that machine that works your legs. And anything that helps with thighs. I mostly just want the treadmill.

Hopefully I don't pass out or die while I'm there. I just can't wait! I miss the feeling of working out. Even Pilates. But I'll be able to do that again soon too.

I'm so fat.

I'm fat and disgusting and huge. God, I don't know how this happened. I'm fucking fat! I just noticed today.
It's no wonder I'm so fat. I've been eating anything and everything all fucking summer. I had 3 bowls of cereal this morning. But there will be no more for today. I'm done.

My mom finally signed me up for the gym, so I can start going on Saturday (hopefully). On Monday I'm going to start the ABC Diet. And I'm actually going to stick with it! Until then I'm just going to keep my calorie intake under 300 and drink a shit ton of water.

My boobs have gotten so much bigger since I've been on the pill. Because of this, I don't have to worry about them shrinking once I start losing weight. A part of me wants them back the way they were, so I won't mind if they end up getting a bit smaller. Nor would I complain if they stayed the same. It's a win-win situation.

-Cassie Ana

I'm Sad

And nauseous.
And bored.
And ignored.

I think I'm going to go drink and attempt to go to sleep. I hate life. I hate people.