How the fuck this happened, I have no idea. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely stoked about it. I always get high expectations and hopes when I move, be it a new state, a new school or just a new class at the end of the semester. I think I've just watched too much Skins and 90210. I have this vision that when I move there I'll be the new girl who makes tons of friends, goes to the beach, etc. But I digress.
The only things I'm worried about are graduation requirements, leaving my grandparents and leaving my band.
I really don't want to leave my grandparents. They are everything to me. My grandmother has practically raised me and we wouldn't have shit if it wasn't for them. They've help us so much. But my grandmother always says that if my mom and I ever decide to move back to California they will too, but further South. So hopefully things will work themselves out. I need my grandparents, guys.
If I do move, I'll have to take another year of P.E.. I was really stressed about it first, but then I realized that it could be beneficial. I won't have to exercise as much at home if I can do it at school. So that's not too big of a deal.
And then there's my band. We're finally making progress and I really don't want to risk giving up my dream, you know? I mean, where I'm moving (Ventura, Anaheim, LA, etc) has an amazing music scene. The chances of me joining/starting a successful band there is probably way higher than here. No, it definitely is. And not even being in a band, just anything with music. I'll probably have wayyy more opportunities there. But still, I'm just afraid that what I have now is my only chance. I'm just paranoid, you know?
So yeah. Once I get over all of that I really really really want to move. I've already severed most of the ties I have with this place. It's like my soul has already moved. I don't belong here; Never have, never will. Since December I've been wanting to leave. I wanted to move in with my dad. I just don't want to be here anymore. This town is dead, believe it or not. And I'm just sick of all these people. Everyone that has ever hurt me or screwed me over is here. I want nothing more than to just leave them all behind and start over. I want to take all I have learned, all I have gained in the last 6 years and start over somewhere new. I don't regret moving down here, I'm just ready to leave. I've received all I could take from this place, it seems.
Sorry if I'm rambling. This is where Ana ties in:
I have about 8 months until I move. I really want to reach my UGW by then. My life is pretty stable now: My grades are good, school is chill, my emotions are under control, I've
God, I just want this so bad. I want to move. I want to start over. I'm already who and what I want to be, I just want to be where I belong. I can do this. Things will be great! I feel as though everything that has happened in the last 2 or so months has lead up to this.
And even if I don't more, things will be cool. I'll be a Senior with only 3 classes to take. I'll have friends and hopefully a license and regardless of what happens things will be great. Wow.
tl;dr: I'm looking forward to moving to Southern California because I want to start over, I'm going to reach my GW before I move, regardless of what happens my life is pretty great.
-Cassie Ana
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